I’ve been feeling the frustration of all my contemporaries online who are so tired of hearing the “Debbie Downers” (apologies to actual Debbie). This morning I was scanning yet another tirade about “black pill” posters when I saw a responding comment asking “what do you do to get back in the red?”
Right now you may very well be asking what all these pills are anyway. Knowing that 99% of my readers are aware - I am going to take a second for my 1% who may be wondering. I’ll do my best to nonjudgmentally recap.
Blue pill: The opinion of the left. In the movie “The Matrix” the main character is offered a choice of two pills. The Blue pill was the option to stay uninformed and mindlessly continue on in the life of just another sheep in the dark. Never question. Just believe everything you are told.
Red pill: The opinion of the right. In the movie “The Matrix” the red pill choice was to be awakened and learn the actual truth. In the movie, Neo suddenly sits up out of a pod of primordial goo and looks around, realizing the truth of his existence as living the lie of a life that was manipulated by the matrix. Being red pilled today is interpreted to mean that you are questioning what you are told, and digging for the real truth.
Black pill: Someone who spreads doom and depression. “It’s a nothing burger” “Nothing is happening” “It’s only going to get worse” “Why even try?” This could be someone who is entirely depressed, or it could be a paid psyop trying to break the spirit of the electorate.
Introducing the white pill: Good news, encouragement for the future. A new view on something that may have sounded like doom in the beginning, but now reveals it to be a glimmer of hope.
Some people think all white pills are “just hopium.”
Poor darlings have been black pilled.
Get it?
You can be reading news and social media and hearing a dozen white pills! You’re feeling pretty positive. But then you hit ONE black pill, and it negates all the white pills you’ve come across that day. One black pill is all it takes to ruin your evening. So we are back to that one commentor’s question. What do you do?
What you don’t do is go online and spread your depression. I know, it is a natural instinct actually! When we have bad news, we have to tell everyone we encounter to help us process it ourselves.
After my dad died, my mother would tell every person she came into contact with. Even the grocery clerk checking her groceries. It was embarrassing to me that she kept pouring her heart out to complete strangers. But apparently this was part of her grief process. Being able to say it outloud was taking a little of the sting away, or perhaps helping her even believe what had happened.
The problem with retelling your black pill and feeling depressed about it is that you are just like a person drowning. You are pulling under everyone who reaches out to help. All those white pills trying to help your black pill are going down!
Okay, there is a way out of the black-pill funk. It’s my speciality. So here is your lifebuoy.
The black pill that you just read or heard isn’t what is making you feel down. Okay, control the urge to tell me I’m crazy. If that black pill was the cause, then *everybody* who read the black pill would be down. But they are not! Why are some of those folks still whistling while they work? Why aren’t they feeling 2” tall like you are? Because they have a different internal story about it.
That’s it. Or, the way I like to phrase it; It’s all about what you make it mean.
Hold onto your hats here. What I just told you right there - it’s life changing. I mean it. It’s life changing for everyone. You see, your emotions do not jump into your body from anything or anyone outside of you. They CAN’T. All emotions enter through YOUR BRAIN. I can and have proven this to each coaching client I’ve worked with over the years. My challenge today is to see if I can prove it to you here without even knowing you.
You see, when you have a thought go through your mind, your beautiful brain begins creating a vibration from that thought down into your body. It even releases certain hormones to go with it. It can speed up or slow down bodily functions.
Think for a minute about that “fight or flight” reaction people talk about. Have you ever had someone jump out from behind a door at you and your entire body reacted in a split second? You jumped, maybe yelled. You could FEEL a reaction to it. The immediate message in your brain was “danger.” Here’s what you were feeling in that split second of intense surprise/fear:
Adrenaline released from your adrenals so you could react quickly.
Your pupils dilated bigger to let in more light so your sight would immediately be sharper.
Your heart rate increases so you’re ready to take immediate action.
There can even be trembling as your muscles tense, primed to move!
All of this originates in your brain. The feeling of fear/surprise, came from the message in your brain “DANGER!”
That’s an extreme example. But it is the same for even subtle emotions. Write down a bummer thought that often comes up in your mind. Really, do it. Now what is a better thought that feels less uncomfortable? Write that down. Close your eyes and let the bummer thought play through your brain. Can you feel it? Now let the better thought play through your brain. Did your feeling in your body lift a little? Go back to the bummer thought. Did you feel the drop?
If you took the time to explore this little exercise, I bet you felt that subtle difference in your body’s reaction to the different thoughts. That is why when you read some piece of news that you think is terrible news, it will depress you. It’s depressing because you are interpreting it to BE BAD NEWS. Not just bad news, terrible news. Perhaps you make it mean that nothing Patriots do to correct a certain situation will work.
If you read a post or see a video and start to feel that sinking in the pit of your stomach, STOP. Ask yourself what you are making it mean. Pull out a notebook, a napkin, an old envelope - anything in reach - and start jotting down every thought that comes into your mind about it. Don’t think it’s silly. DO IT. Sometimes I’m a deer in the highlights when I open my notebook. So at the top of the blank page I’ll write “What they said makes me think - “ Or “I feel depressed because -”
Then I just start jotting every single thought as quickly as I can. Even if my thoughts are going to something completely different or I think “oh, that’s a stupid thought".” I write it anyway. No one will see. I can crumple up the page and toss it out when I’m done.
Now look at what you wrote. Ask yourself for every thought, is that true? Do I 100% know that’s true? Here’s a hint - 99% of what we think isn’t true. It isn’t a fact. It’s our emotional response. How do you know something is a fact? There is no emotional response - it’s neutral. If there is any adjective in the sentence - it’s a thought you are choosing. It doesn’t make it wrong! Our thoughts are just our thoughts. We actually get to pick and choose which thoughts we’d like to focus on.
Example: “My mother-in-law is so difficult.” ← Thought, not fact. No matter that your entire family would agree and say the same thing. It is not fact.
Here is the fact: “I have a mother-in-law.”
Boom. Neutral. She exists. You tell yourself she’s difficult. You are choosing to believe that. Go ahead. It’s fine until it presents a problem for you. Then you can find another story.
That’s how the optimist is an optimist. They tend to cast aside thoughts that don’t feel great and re-shuffle in their brain for a better thought. Are you thinking, “Oh no, Joann. I’m at the mercy of my thoughts!”
No you are not! I am telling you right now: thoughts are optional. Even the most devastating sentence in your head can be written on a piece of paper and held in your hand. You can look at it and decide whether you want to keep it or find something that you believe that works better.
Don’t think “affirmation.” I’ll make up a nice story and repeat it until I believe it. That does not work. Your brain can spot a fake. It’ll kick it out as fake news! The better thought has to be a thought that you do believe or at lease think to yourself, “I think I can believe this.”
Never again do you need to let the news on TV or what you see in the papers manipulate your emotions.
You see - you are and always have been in control.
You just needed me to remind you that you have a choice.
So remember this question: “What am I making that mean?” Write down all the thoughts of what you are making it mean. Then look at each one and ask, “is that really true?” You won’t believe the stuff our brains make up!
Know that when you feel guilty, hopeless, lonely, shameful, frustrated, anxious, enraged, overwhelmed, isolated, discouraged, sad - It’s only ever caused by your thoughts.
And your thoughts are optional. You get to pick and choose.
These words hang on the wall of my office:
You’ve got this too.
You now know that you get to choose what you make that “black pill” mean.
You never again have to let one black pill erase all the goodness of a dozen white ones.
You only need to decide.
I promise, it’s just that easy.
Just what I needed!!! Thank you for being awesome!!!